


Peaceful

by TransparentSheepDeer



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canon: Devilman Crybaby, Dysphoria, Established Relationship, Gen, M/M, Pre-Amon Akira, Reminiscing, Trans Asuka Ryo, Trans Fudo Akira, Trans Male Character, both akira and ryo are trans because i said so, no real plot they're just hanging out, tdov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-25 23:26:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18271250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransparentSheepDeer/pseuds/TransparentSheepDeer
Summary: Akira and Ryo play flash games they used to love as children on Ryo's laptop.





	Peaceful

Akira barged into Ryo’s house.

His boyfriend glanced up for a moment, then continued to do something on his laptop.

Akira went closer and tilted the screen so he could look at Ryo. “Hey, can I borrow one of your hoodies?”

Ryo looked up. “Yeah, sure.”

He reached out, but Akira waved him away. “Not now.”

Akira went upstairs into Ryo’s bedroom. He opened one of his drawers and looked at Ryo’s... collection.

He snorted at the thought. ‘Collection’. The only difference between Ryo’s clothes was the shape. Sometimes one or two even had a miniature, butter-yellow spot on it.

Akira cringed at himself. ‘Butter-yellow’? It was just yellow, who the fuck called it another name?

His dysphoria chimed in: Women. _Women_ would call it butter-yellow. _Real_ men didn’t care.

Akira rolled his eyes at himself.

He grabbed a hoodie that he knew was pure white colored, had huge pockets, and was one that Ryo wore a lot.

Akira pulled it over his head, buried his face in the fabric, and inhaled deeply. He loved wearing Ryo’s clothes.

He went back to him, a little more at ease.

When he sat down next to him, Ryo held out his arm. “Now?”

Akira grabbed his arm and lowered it. “Can _I_ do that?”

Ryo nodded. Akira wrapped his arm around his shoulders, Ryo scooched closer.

“Dysphoric?” Ryo asked.

Akira tried focusing on Ryo’s laptop. “I am literally aware of every single cell in my body right now. Also, it’s the weird kind.”

“The kind where you get dysphoric from moving your arm because you feel like a cis man wouldn’t move his arm like that?”

“Precisely that kind, yes.”

Ryo hummed. He turned his head and kissed Akira on the jaw. “Is there any way I can help?”

Akira nuzzled into Ryo’s hair and hummed.

“I don’t know what that means, Akira.”

Akira pulled back. “What are you working on?”

“Oh, it’s for midterm.”

“How hard will it be?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Ryo scrolled up. “Do you want me to go over it?”

Akira nodded. “Yeah.”

Ryo taught English and history. This was an English test. Akira was really glad that he wasn’t one of Ryo’s students – that shit looked scary.

Ryo explained him the grammar rules briefly, and showed the answers. Akira could only stare in horror.

“And you say this is in the phase where you haven’t decided whether it’s gonna be easy or not?”

Ryo shrugged. “My students are familiar with this topic. I mean, I hope so. You’re seeing this for the first time.”

Akira hummed. He started playing with Ryo’s hair, twirling the strands around his fingers, feeling its’ softness.

Ryo leaned closer and nuzzled into his neck. “Are you feeling a little better?”

“Not really. But I’m not freaking out about it, so that’s good, right?”

Ryo laughed. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“It’s kind of annoying, actually. Like, literally nothing but time will make this shit go away.”

Ryo hummed.

Akira started tracing circles into his arm. “If I put on a binder, I would be dysphoric over the fact that I have to wear one. It’s like – come on, you’re taking away my only way of coping with this?” Akira sighed. “I would love to do something to distract myself, like watch a movie, but I can’t. Because there’s only cis people and I’m immediately reminded that I don’t look like that, and- ugh, I kind of hate myself right now.”

Ryo moved like he wanted to give him a hug, but Akira stopped him.

“Really, _really_ bad time to do that right now.”

Ryo hummed. “What if I put on your favorite song? It’s Uptown Funk, right? Will it distract you?”

Akira considered. “Fine. One Uptown Funk, please. But I think it won’t last.”

“Should I play a game with you, maybe?” Ryo asked. [He clicked on the video.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPf0YbXqDm0)

“Do you have monopoly?” Akira asked, trying to keep his tone even.

Ryo turned his head and _stared_ at him, in the exact moment when the first beats of Uptown Funk chimed, and Akira couldn’t keep himself from laughing.

Ryo smiled at him and rolled his eyes. “Do you seriously want to play monopoly, or...?”

Akira shook his head, grinning. “No, I was joking. But! We could play something on your computer. Like those multiplayer games we used to play when we were little.”

Ryo lit up. “That’s a great idea.”

He pulled closer to Akira so he could have access to the keyboard too.

“If we do that, I’ll have to stop the music, though,” Ryo said.

“I mean, we could first decide what we want to play.”

Akira watched Ryo type in the address. A few clicks, and they were looking at the multiplayer games.

Akira chuckled a bit. “Man, this makes me nostalgic.”

Ryo hummed. “Which one do you want to play?”

Akira stared at the collection. “ _All of them._ ”

“Which one do you want to play _first,_ then?”

Akira pointed at the first one. “[That one.](http://www.nitrome.com/games/testsubjectarena/#.XJ4Mq5i6PIU)” 

Ryo laughed. “Ah, I remember that. I always beat you in it.”

“Time for a rematch, then!” Akira declared.

They spent the next ten minutes killing each other. Unfortunately, Ryo could still very much beat Akira, but that wasn’t the point.

The [next game’s](http://www.nitrome.com/games/cavechaos/#.XJ4Mwpi6PIU) goal was to complete the levels without dying. It was mostly Ryo doing that, because Akira died every twenty seconds (the keys were jammed, it _totally_ wasn’t his fault).

The third game-

“Hey, you know what game I was thinking about just now?” Akira asked when he died again.

“Hmm?” Ryo couldn’t look at him, he had to complete the level.

“[Fireboy and Watergirl.](https://www.coolmathgames.com/0-fireboy-watergirl-forest-temple)” 

Ryo cursed – his character died. “Okay, let’s switch. I’m getting tired of this one.”

He typed in the name and clicked the first option.

Akira looked at the keyboard. “Wait. Am I going to be Watergirl?”

Ryo hummed. “No, I’ll switch places.”

Ryo got up. Akira held the laptop close to his chest to make it easier for him.

Ryo started the first level. They completed it with ease. Then the next one. And the next. Sometimes one of them accidentally died, but it was nothing compared to the previous game.

When there was only one level left, Akira said:

“Do you remember when this felt like a hard game?”

Ryo smiled. “Yeah. Remember how we used to argue about who got to play with Fireboy?”

Akira laughed. “Oh, yes I do. And when we asked Mom or Dad to decide they were like _not both of you can play with the girl character_ , and we were like, _we don’t want to play with the girl character_.”

Ryo nodded. “Exactly. And then you hogged Fireboy because you said you could only control the arrows, not WASD.”

Akira grinned. “And wasn’t that a great argument? You always beat me in every game, anyway, so it was true.”

Ryo snorted. “You’re horrible. But yes, it was smart. Let’s do the last level.”

Akira sighed. “I don’t want it to end yet.”

“Oh, there are more games. The Light Temple, the Ice Temple, the Crystal Temple, there are a shit-ton of other levels.”

Akira blinked. “Really? They made new ones?”

Ryo nodded. “Yeah. Come, if we do this one we’ll get a perfect score.”

After they finished, Ryo suggested they took a quick break. He leaned into Akira, who played with his hair.

“Are you ever going to cut your hair again?”

Ryo’s eyes were closed. “Not sure. I like it like this.”

Akira twisted a strand between his fingers. “You mean you hate going to the hairdresser.”

“That is also true, but I really do like it. I can hide behind it. It’s nice.”

“Man, if you knew how jealous I am.”

“Why don’t you grow your own hair out, then?”

“I would, but my dysphoria said no.” Akira took another strand in his hand. “Do you even know how many times I want to buy something from the women’s section because it suits my aesthetic but am stopped by the little shit?”

“Mmm.”

Ryo sounded like he could fall asleep any moment. Akira smiled to himself. He let go of his hair and started stroking his face instead.

He loved seeing Ryo so relaxed.

Dysphoria didn’t go away, but it was easier to ignore it now. Not like there was anything Akira could really do about it. Yes, he did have a binder, but he couldn’t wear it – he was an athlete, he couldn’t restrict his lungs like that.

Ryo didn’t have dysphoria, nor was he interested in transitioning. At first, Akira didn’t really understand – how could he know who he was if he didn’t have dysphoria? In Akira’s case, dysphoria was the reason it even occurred to him that he may be a man.

But then he remembered that before he knew that, he couldn’t recognize his dysphoria at all. He was just _unreasonably_ happy whenever he could dress more androgynous or masculine.

Moreover; if _cis_ people could say “I’m a man” or “I’m a woman” without a five-hundred page essay and two notes from a doctor, then why couldn’t Akira or Ryo?

“What are you thinking about?” Ryo whispered.

“Hmm?”

“You’re frowning.”

Akira smiled a little. “I was thinking about you.”

“And that made you frown? What did I do?”

Akira laughed. “Nothing.” He leaned in to kiss his forehead. “Thank you for distracting me.”

Ryo smiled weakly. “Of course.” He sighed and stretched his arms. “Do you still want to play the other levels or...?”

Akira shook his head. “No, there will be none left next time.”

“Next time? So from now on you just come over and play games with me whenever you’re dysphoric?”

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

Ryo touched his jaw with his nose. “It was a genuine question. Also, I’m not complaining. And I mean, you already do come over whenever you feel like it, so...”

He leaned back against Akira, nuzzling into him. “So if you don’t want to play anymore that means I can use you as a pillow now, right?”

"Yeah, sure." Akira readjusted his position so they were more comfortable.

He held Ryo with one hand and put the other under his own head. He continued to stroke him, and Ryo feel asleep a few minutes later.

He always looked so peaceful like this.

Maybe the world wasn't so cold, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> other trans people on tdov: *post selfies*  
> me, a gremlin: no selfies! just writing


End file.
